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I have been a custodial StepMom for 7 years. I thought it would get easier with time. My husbands ex continues to control him.she seems to come before me. She is a very difficult woman(the reason their relationship didn't work).how can I hold onto strength
to keep our family together?

Congratulations on your 7 years of StepMotherhood! I can tell you are invested in your family and are eager for healthy relationships. Where you focus your thoughts is where most of your energy will go. Focus on the stepchildren and your new life. The
more depleted you allow yourself to get, the less of you there will be to share. Try these steps: 1. Write down your uncensored thoughts about a given situation. (The Journal for StepMoms is an inspiring and encouraging place to do this). 2. Let it be for
a day or so. Then go back and read what you wrote. • If your stepchildren heard you say what you wrote, how would they feel? • Take a minute or two to reflect on one thing you could handle differently. 3. Give yourself credit for every little change you make,
every word of understanding and encouragement you give. 4. Give to others what you so desperately want for yourself. If you want to be first in your relationship with your husband, make a practice of putting him first. The strength you have demonstrated these
last 7 years can go three ways: It can diminish as your attention is given to the ex-wife’s behaviors. It can increase as you turn your focus towards that which you want. It can remain tenuous and strained as you attempt to hold everything together. Nothing
is predestined: The obstacles of your past can become the gateways that lead to new beginnings. Ralph Blum

Paula, Great article. As a stepmom, I agree that taking thinks too personally is not helpful. When my two stepdaughters got married last year, I expected their mom to be central and for me to be as a guest. But they wanted me to be an active participant like a "second" mom. Both mom and myself stood side by side because the girls wanted to have this be a special day for them. And it was.
Claudette

Thanks, Claudette! What a wonderful wedding day that must have been!